Ask Madame R(a)x(ie): BDSM Advice

Anonymous asked: So I'm an 18 year old bisexual girl who has just recently gotten into power play. I've found that I'm very submissive, but most of the girls I encounter are submissive as well. I've thought about trying to be dominant sometimes, but I struggle to even picture it- it just doesn't seem right for me. Should I just suck it up and try to be dominant? Or give up on having kinky lesbian sex altogether? Where are all the dominant girls who like girls? Thank you for your help!

If you like to identify as submissive, it is very easy to obtain a relationship with a Domme. Attend playparties in your area (type into a Google search “play party BDSM {your city},” put up a profile on Fetlife and CollarMe, and give it a while. Screen well, and don’t settle because the pool seems shallow. 

Good luck, subgirl, and keep Me informed as to your progress.

Madame Rax

mlle-megan-deactivated20120409 asked: thank you very much for your answer, haha. my biggest problem is that I'm hella insecure about myself x) but oh well, there's not much to do about that. would you say that your relationship's been healing, or morale-boosting, for both of you? I guess it has been, if you've been with the same person for so long, wow. and if you've been on both sides of the relationship, do you personally find it better to dom or sub? /sorry for my stupid questions haha

I welcome questions such as these!

As for My personal relationship, it’s been both of those things, at various times. Healing because W/we’ve both endured trauma and have two opposite ways of processing and reacting to it, and morale boosting because W/we both feel comfortable in our roles that W/we have carved out for ourselves. 

As for Dom/sub, I am solely a Domme. My slave is strictly a slave. Switching is not something that occurs within our relationship, though if I am feeling awful/sick/etc, she can pick up slack. 

Within the confines of BDSM there is no reason to feel insecure. Because much of the connection that happens within a play space involves physical activities rather than just looks, it’s easy to express yourself free from the need to be conventionally beautiful/skinny/tanned, or any combination of those. Even being “new” is welcomed and embraced. 

Make a Fetlife page, and find other kinksters in your area, there are some young Doms who will willingly help you explore, I’m sure.

mlle-megan-deactivated20120409 asked: hi :) I've got a really quick question, and I'm probably not articulating what I mean correctly, but, like, how old do you think someone should be before they know whether they want a D/s relationship or not? because I'm pretty into the idea of one, except I'm like, young, and idk if it's just a phase. x) (and also, relationships of that type aren't built off the mutual kink, right? as in, they're functional relationships that just happen to involve mind-blowing sex?)

Well Hello.

I see that you’re pretty young, but age isn’t a deciding factor. My 24/7 slave V and I have been in various stages of a D/s relationship since she was 14 and I was 16 - so finding out what you like early on is a great thing, not a negative. As with all experiences in life, there will be good and bad, but figuring out what you want early on is advantageous to your life, forever.

As for kink, D/s relationships are mutual, amazing, and can involve healing rather than dysfunction! 

- Madame Rax

Anonymous asked: I am afraid my Master doesn't find me sexually attractive anymore. Mostly because HE shows very little interest in me, sexually. What should I do?

If you find that your owner isn’t showing you proper attention, ask about the problem. A lack of sexual interest can mean many things, from boredom to disappointment, or it may be something as small as stress or chronic pain. If your owner seems unresponsive, try to get back on their good side by being the best slave you can possibly be.  Overall you can only do your best, and I’m sure your owner will see that, respond to it, and you can work out the problem.

So, I have decided that since I get so many questions on a daily basis from curious people… both on allexperts and in real life, I should just have an advice column for BDSM. 

Let the questions flow, subbies, slaves, pets, and worshippers. Ready?